And Then She Infected Everyone. Damn her


One of my friends calls this my psychotic housewife face. I call it my "Hey, you can totally see my stripey bra through my shirt!" face.

I was sick with the giraffe flu and then my grandmother died, and then my dog ate a can of nails and my husband's car broke down so I had to drive him everywhere, but then I blew a tire and was stranded on the side of the road, and a very nice man who turned out to be a psycho gave me a ride and then when I finally escaped, the police sequestered me for evidence but then my giraffe flu flared up and I got to see what the CDC's holding cells look like.

They're quite comfy, actually. Like a Sheraton, but with less Ebola.

Okay so really, I just got swamped after I finished my thesis (hey, that means I'm a master now. CALL ME MASTER, MINIONS) and have been busy sort of reorganizing my life while I wait to get into a PhD program. My happy little not-so-secret lair here on the blog got sidelined. BUT! Changes are happening, and they are awesome! Here they are:

  • 1. Retro Academic! This is my shop that I actually started a couple years ago but never launched. It specializes in clothes that have retro influence but that are slightly more appropriate for school, work, or your mother-in-law's house than some other popular brands out there. Think longer lengths, tweed, pleated skirts and oxfords. Basically, all the clothes I love but can never find anywhere! Stay tuned for updates!!! 

  • 2. Get (back) in shape. I'll write more about this later, but for now suffice to say I need to lose about 45 pounds and get some strength back (are those belly rolls in that pic up there? WHY YES. YES THEY ARE.). Hang around if you want to hear about my progress!

  • 3. I am focusing on my writing. I've been writing academic stuff for so long that I haven't worked on my fiction at all, so I'm bringing it back front-and-center. The last month or so I have been deep in a writerly hole of my own making, churning out chapter after chapter of drivel. Well, I'm told it's not drivel, but it definitely needs some (a lot of) work, imo.

  • 4. AND of course, Scissors and Steam! I haven't quite worked out the extent of the changes here yet. Since this blog is a reflection of my life, it will probably be less focused on crafty stuff than before, and a little more on the stuff in the fancy bullets above. But not to worry minions! DON'T PANIC. (that was a Douglas Adams reference, for those of you who are not gigantic nerds) Crafts and projects still exist, I'll still write about them, they just probably won't be my main focus, for now. 
WOW I've missed all of you. Thank you for still being here. I hope you hang around and see what's coming. Like balls, but with more choice in the matter.

Huh. That was sweet. And then I made a testicle joke. Yep, I'm definitely back.

disclaimer: My grandmother is not dead. Well, one of them at least. My dog has not eaten a single nail lately. My husband is totally self-sufficient and could build a car out of a hot wheel, hope, and a car. I was not kidnapped. I have not encountered any police lately, except the one I yelled at for being incompetent. I'm a fucking hypochondriac, so I think I do have the giraffe flu, even though I just made it up. I'm a fucking hypochondriac, so HELL NO I have never been to the CDC. I'm sorry, Sheraton. Please don't sue me.


  1. I can not help myself, I'm going to see your testicle joke and raise you a nut sack:

    Honestly, I can't stop giggling over the pattern and I have some really hilarious friends who will LOVE that I'm making them for Christmas. :)

    It's nice to see you popping back in to reassure us that you're not wrapped up tight in a straight jacket... yet.

  2. So glad for an update! I've been checking back weekly to make sure I wasn't missing the story about where you were! Happy to have you back!

  3. Whew! I was just thinking I hadn't seen a post from you in ages. I'm glad that you are no longer have Ebola! :D

  4. Welcome back! I noticed your absence, but I thought you were still working on your thesis... Wow, so many things have happened to you! I'm glad that you're okay now.

  5. Yah! Glad you're back . I really missed stalking you.


I'm not always great at replying to comments but I DO read every single one of them and I always reply in my head. So in my mind we've had this deep conversation about the meaning of life or whatever, and we're best friends, and we craft together on Sunday afternoons while drinking Mojitos and watching old Indiana Jones movies. So thank you for your comments. And now I want a mojito.

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