30 Percent


Go that way, Horse.

Yesterday I mentioned that one of my current projects is to lose weight and get my strength back. This is a hard post for me to write, but I need to make a major change and I'm betting a lot of you do, too. [This post is even more verbose than normal, so impatient readers can just skip to the last couple paragraphs.]

For the majority of my life I was thin. Very thin, but also pretty strong cause I was active. Mainly I rode horses, but I also did lots of other outdoorsy stuff, like hiking and climbing. I also went to the gym sometimes cause I liked the weight-training machines, although I hated the cardio equipment cause they're so mind-numbingly boring. I did some yoga and jogged on the beach.

My diet was pretty spotty back then. I ate out a lot, which is generally terrible for you, but I also tended to gorge on vegetables (a holdover from when I was a vegetarian teenager) and other healthy stuff. I ate a metric fuckton of calories on a daily basis, because I was so active I needed those calories to feed my metabolism and keep the weight on.

After I graduated from college I enlisted in the military, and shortly got injured in a training accident. I didn't realize at the time how badly I was hurt, but it eventually became apparent that I was permanently disabled to the degree of 30 percent. This was a hard pill for me to swallow, because I had programmed my brain to always be looking for physical activity.

I'm fortunate that my physical problems aren't obvious. Most people can't tell there's anything wrong with me, but as soon as I try to jump back into the fray my body says, "Um, no."

So how does this translate to my current situation? Since I had always been active I didn't understand that I could not eat the same way I had before I was injured. The seemingly obvious "Hey, Jamie, you might want to watch what you eat now that you sit on your ass all day" simply did not occur to me.

In a matter of months I ballooned. I swelled. My clothes stopped fitting. My self-esteem took a nasty blow, since I perceived myself as being totally obese after gaining 30 pounds; it's all relative, you know, even your weight. But every time I tried to work it off, my injuries just laughed in my face.

I got frustrated. I admit it: I gave up. I stopped caring what I ate, and I just let myself go.

I've lost and gained some pounds here and there. My injuries are still a gigantic pain in my ribcage, but I've mostly gotten used to it. I weigh 170 pounds (I'm 5'7"). At my healthiest I am about 130, give or take, depending on muscle mass. According to the CDC's weight chart, I'm overweight.

Maybe if I stand in front of this fat tree I'll  magically look less fat! You know, by comparison! Or something.

I'm sick of it. I'm tired of feeling fat. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I hate having a closet full of awesome clothes that don't fit me, and I'm tired of buying dresses just because I hate the way my jeans squeeze my stomach. I'm tired of avoiding mirrors and cringing at pictures.

I do however love my fat boobs, but I'll kiss them goodbye cause I'd rather be thin than have diabetes, heart problems, and increased risk of cancer. I'm already struggling with infertility, which is a common side effect of obesity. I want my sex drive back. I want my life back.

We all have reasons why we're not in shape. We're too busy, hurting too much, our meds are too uncooperative, we can't afford it, etc., etc. I refuse to let my reason make up my mind for me. It's going to hurt. A lot. But pain always passes, and if I don't suffer now I'm going to just keep getting fatter and eventually die before my time. I'm not making excuses any more.

So how about it? I'm thinking about doing a "get healthy" thing here on the blog, like maybe a weekly link party, so you can join in. I'll post very embarrassing progress pictures of myself to help keep us motivated, whether it's to lose weight, gain strength, get limber, or train for a marathon (the man's goal!). Don't say, "why not?" because you'll just come up with excuses. You have to start somewhere, so start now!

Let me know what you think. Leave a comment here, or on Facebook!

Inspiration Friday Taking a Timeout Thursday


  1. Yes! I was just wasting my day on Pinterest pinning cookies and cakes and all sorts of things that are terrible for me when it hit me that I should probably get off my butt and go for a run. I need to get healthy and happy with my body again and it's great to have others who want the same thing for some motivation.

  2. I've been working on getting healthy off and on for months. My goal is not to lose weight, but to gain muscle tone, strength and flexibility, and to feel *better*. My hurdle is depression. I have a health blog, where I'm trying to motivate myself and hold myself accountable. I think I'm the only one who reads it, but feel free to check it out, if you want. :) I'll be cheering you on, I promise!

  3. I can totally sympathize. I'm 5'7" too, but I've always had more of an athletic build. Yeah, until I went from 125--hollister size 3--(at which point I was super, super thin for me and my mom thought I was anorexic) to 175--AE size 12. I will be so happy when I have a 160-something weight again. Maybe even perhaps size 7-8 pants? I wouldn't even be upset to be permanently stuck at 150-155. Good luck with your journey!

  4. I was always really skinny until I graduated high school, but I was still a healthy weight. I moved to a city a few years later, went on an antidepressant and gained about 20 lbs., even with all the walking I was doing! I had a baby 10 months ago and am back to my pre-baby weight, but I'd love to lose that last 20 lbs. Even if that doesn't happen I'd be happy with more strength and feeling better mentally!

  5. I admire your taking charge of your health. Right now I'm pregnant so not on the weight loss train, but am trying to eat healthy and exercise for a better birth experience and for my general health. Prior to pregnancy I was around 30ish pounds overweight so will still have that, and probably a little more, to deal with once baby is here, but I'm kind of looking forward to taking charge myself and being a healthy mom. I'll definitely be checking in and here to motivate you when I can. Not much is more important than our health.

  6. You go girl! I've been slowly dropping weight with martial arts which I started April of last year. I'm hypoglycemic which means slow and steady is the only way I can lose weight AND keep it off. I don't know if I'm brave enough to share my journey on my blog but I'll gladly cheer you on! :)

  7. I'll join you. I don't need to lose weight per se, but I do need to be more fit if I'm ever going to have another kid. So go you, go us!

  8. I need something to get me motivated to get healthy! I'm not grossly overweight. I'm just not happy with what has happened to my body as it has aged. And it's hard to get motivated because losing a single pound is a huge uphill battle.

    So today I purchased a bicycle. And instead of driving my daughter to day camp each day we will be peddling ...

    And I'm thinking weightwatchers.com ... I've had success in the past when my weight ventured into the area of I have to buy new clothes range ...

    Thanks for sharing!~



    1. ... and as I type this sitting on my big fat bloggy butt I'm watching an add for Booty Slide!

  9. I admire your strength and motivation. Very inspirational!! I would love to see you at my backyard party :-) Have a lovely weekend.

  10. Great motivation! I worked out for the first time at home today since who knows when. I've been taking a spinning class but it's just not enough. I've really got to start being accountable for what I eat and what I do with my body. Thanks for the inspiration and for sharing at Mom On Timeout!

  11. I so identify with this story. My injury was ptsd/soft tissue damage during a car accident. It's been ten years this summer. I often tell people when I'm "good" that I'm functioning at about 60-70%. When I'm not good, it's much worse. I too have been trying to get a handle on this, but it's been a long road and it's a slow road. I'm not a slow person, but now I am a slow person. Part of the struggle is coming to terms with this new version of me.


I'm not always great at replying to comments but I DO read every single one of them and I always reply in my head. So in my mind we've had this deep conversation about the meaning of life or whatever, and we're best friends, and we craft together on Sunday afternoons while drinking Mojitos and watching old Indiana Jones movies. So thank you for your comments. And now I want a mojito.

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